Becoming More Read online

  Completely caught up in my own world, I nearly forget my beer drenched dress and missing boyfriend. Looking away from the sky and back towards my dorm, I realize I’m about to collide with a group of students laughing and talking about some sort of party going on in an off campus house. A couple of them look over at me and smile; I smile back. There are three guys and two girls. All three of the guys are good looking in their own unique way. All of them have tattoos and piercings—quite different from the men I’m normally attracted to, and quite different from the love of my life, Sander. The girls are pretty too. I try listening a bit closer hoping to hear where this party is taking place when a girl stops and turns toward me.

  I recognize her from the day Lauren and I moved in. She was helping another freshman girl set up her room. We made eye contact that day as well. She had smiled kindly and asked if I needed help moving in to our room. She’s gorgeous. She’s much more stunning than I realized when they were walking past or when I saw her just a few days ago. She has beautiful red hair with some blonde streaks flowing through it- most likely from sunbathing. Her skin is pale but she has a display of freckles across her nose. There’s a small stud through the left side of her nose. I almost mistook it as another freckle, but with a closer look I can see that it’s a diamond stud. She’s not overly dressed up, but she still looks nice, wearing a pair of dark skinny jeans, pink tank top, and pink pumps to match. Her smile widens and a deep dimple in her right cheek appears. I smile at her and then look back at her shoes, envying her. I would kill for those bad boys!

  “Hey, are you looking for something to do tonight?” she questions. I notice a red rose tattoo on her wrist as she tucks a piece of her soft waves behind her ear.

  “I am, actually.” I smile back, crossing my arms together in front of me. I bite my lower lip, fighting back the nervousness of first meeting new people.

  She looks to her friends and nods to them. They seem to understand what she’s silently communicating with them.

  “I’m Clarissa,” she begins and steps closer to me. “This is my friend Becca,” she points to a short brunette with a bob cut giving her personality a bit of spunk, “And these guys are, Jake, Oliver, and Chris.” She points to each one. The blonde one, Oliver, shocks me by attacking me with a bear hug. Not quite the introduction I was expecting, but hey, I’ll take it. I’m used to people responding to Lauren in an overly eager way. When people meet me, it’s usually polite. It’s a new feeling having people interested in meeting me. I giggle as he sets me back down on my painful heels.

  “Don’t mind him,” Clarissa says. “He’s not drunk, if you can believe it,” she laughs, and pats Oliver on his back.

  I raise my arm slightly, and a small jingle from my wristlet rings as I wave at the rest of the group, “It’s nice to me you all. I’m Lilly.”

  “Well Lilly, we were just heading to this party a couple of blocks away. Would you like to come?” Clarissa asks.

  Looking back to my dorm and then over to where the fraternity house is, I wonder if Sander has somehow ended up at this other party or if maybe Lauren is there? It wouldn’t surprise me if Lauren met some people like I have and decided to give it a shot, or if Sander is drunk enough that he forgot where I was in the first place. Deciding that I really didn’t want my first night of real freedom to end like this, I nod hard and quickly with eagerness. I’m going to have fun with or without Sander. “I’d really like that.”

  We all begin walking with everyone chatting erratically like they haven’t seen each other in years, yet, they know so much about one another. The comfort level between them shows me that they probably spend a lot of time together. I try to keep up with the conversation but give up relatively quickly. I look down and watch my feet step along the sidewalk for a few minutes when Clarissa looks at me and nudges my arm. I look up at her and see an interested smile. She wants to ask me something, that much is clear.

  I smile at her encouragingly. “What’s up?” I ask.

  She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. “I was just wondering what year you are?” She looks up at me. “I think I saw you moving into the freshman dorm the other day.”

  It took her a second to ask the question, so I’m pretty she wants to ask me something else but I go ahead and answer her, “Yup! I saw you too. I’m a freshman. I’m rooming with my best friend Lauren.” I pause for a moment, considering whether or not I should tell her to just go ahead and ask whatever is on her mind. Before I get the words out, she starts speaking again.

  “That’s cool. We’re sophomores. I guess what I was really wondering is why you’re all dressed up if you didn’t have anywhere to go?”

  I laugh, “That would look kind of ridiculous wouldn’t it? I swear I don’t dress like this just to hang out.” She laughs along. “I was actually at some frat party with my best friend and boyfriend, but they disappeared and I couldn’t find them anywhere. So I decided to go ahead and just go home.” I shrug nonchalantly. The fact is, I figured I’d lose Lauren at some point during the night. However, Sander running off was not something I planned. In high school we were known for being glued to each other. Yep, we were that couple. You didn’t see one of us without the other.

  “They just left you at a party and didn’t tell you where they were going?” Her eyebrows pull together disapprovingly.

  Even though I’m pretty pissed that both Lauren and Sander ditched me, I can’t help but feel protective of them, and I don’t really appreciate her tone—like she’s judging them or something. She knows nothing about them.

  In a harsher tone I reply, “I don’t need a baby sitter. They can go and do whatever they want—they aren’t stuck with me.”

  Clarissa gives a gentle smile, “Sorry, it’s none of my business.”

  Now I feel like an idiot, I reacted too hastily. I don’t know what is with me recently. Sure, I wish Lauren and Sander would have hung out with me, but I shouldn’t be taking it out on complete strangers that have been nothing but nice to me. I look over at the other girl and the three guys with us. They seem to be having their own conversation. Thankfully I don’t have to worry about apologizing to all of them for my bad attitude.

  “Sorry, Clarissa. I guess it’s just a sore subject right now. I’m honestly pretty pissed at them myself.” I rub my arms nervously.

  “It’s okay. I get it. Been there, done that.” She looks forward and points to a house, “That’s where we’re going.”

  The house isn’t very big. It’s only one story. It’s hard to tell in the dark but I think the outside is a weird, sage green color. There’s a chain link fence around the front yard and through every window lights are shining through and people are dancing. Music is blaring through the front door; it gets louder with every step closer. Suddenly I feel extremely uncomfortable. I won’t know any of the people in here, and the people I came with aren’t exactly my friends. Right when I’m thinking I should fake an excuse and make for my dorm, Clarissa turns to me.

  “We’ll introduce you to some of our friends if you’d like! They’ll love you!” she says excitingly, and wraps her arm around my shoulders, “Believe me, last year I came to one of these parties and knew absolutely no one! I was seriously freaking out about it, but then I met some of my closest friends here. So don’t worry about it okay? And I won’t ditch you.” She nudges me, “Promise.” She grins and turns to her friends “Right guys?”

  They all nod, and Oliver puts his arm through mine. “I can think of a few guys in there that would really like to meet you.” He winks and I laugh.

  “Well I’d hate to disappoint these people that are just dying to meet me,” I say dramatically flinging my hand to my heart.

  Everyone laughs and starts walking towards the door. The door is a maroon color, which contrasts strangely with the sage house. It’s like a groovy Christmas house. I giggle to myself. As we get closer I feel the boards of the wooden porch shaking underneath me as the blasting music vibrates the entire house. The smell of cig
arette smoke wafts towards me, and I turn to my right seeing a circle of people sharing some smokes. I wipe my hands on my dress, ridding myself of the sticky sweat from the muggy heat. Clarissa opens the door.

  We walk inside and the front room is completely cluttered with people. There is almost no furniture—just a small futon and a couple of chairs, but they are all pushed against the walls creating a makeshift dance floor on the hardwood. To the right of the front door is a table set up with giant, four foot tall speakers with an ipod plugged in. To the left people are gathering in the kitchen where I can see small bottles of alcohol sitting on an island.

  “Let’s get something to drink.” Clarissa turns and makes her way to the kitchen, grabbing my hand to make sure she doesn’t lose me.

  When we finally reach the kitchen, I look up. The first thing I see is the most gorgeous man I have ever laid my eyes on… ever. He’s sexy. He’s not handsome in the way I would normally think. He’s not clean cut or preppy looking—most likely not a business major like Sander. No, this guy is pure sex appeal. He radiates sex. That sounds awkward, doesn’t it? That’s the only way to describe this perfect formation of a man. His hair is dark brown and messy looking. Maybe he styles it just by sleeping? Maybe he just wakes up in the morning and doesn’t even look in the mirror because he knows that sleep did more for his hair then any comb or gel could. Is it weird that I’m thinking of running my fingers through it? Yeah, totally weird. I don’t even know the guy. And the hair is just the beginning.

  He’s looking around, not at anything or anyone in particular, but the action brings my watchful eyes to his. His eyes are stunning. From here I can’t tell the color. But I notice they are light and vivid with emotion. Right now they seem amused, cheerful. Exactly the opposite of Sanders. Where Sanders eyes are deep and dark, this guy’s eyes are bright and airy. They stop me in my tracks. Are they blue? Green? Gray? Hell if I know. But I have to find out. I need to find out. I let my eyes drift lower and focus in on his lips where a silver hoop is shining from his full bottom lip. I lick my lips, instinctively thinking about what that small piece of metal would feel like against mine. What the hell is wrong with me?

  I watch him as he laughs with some guys and grabs a beer from the counter and tips it against his lips. His throat clenches and releases as he swallows. I wish I were that beer bottle. What I would do to be that beer bottle… As he pulls his hand down and puts the beer back down I notice that his arm has tattoos covering the entirety of his skin. Shit, he has tattooed sleeves? I flush all over as I glance up and down the length from where his t-shirt sleeve ends to his wrist. Holy hotness.

  “I see who you’re watching,” Clarissa says in my ear and I jump. I completely lost myself watching this guy. I forgot about where I was and who I was with. That is not good. I should leave. I have a boyfriend. I can’t stand here and fantasize about another guy. I take another look at the walking, living, breathing sex god. Okay, maybe I can stay. I mean I’m just looking. Any girl would get caught up watching this guy, right? Right.

  “He’s single, ya know?” Clarissa adds, looking back between him and me. Her eyebrows draw together. She looks like she’s considering something. Should I be worried?

  “Well it doesn’t matter.” I choke out, “I’m not single. I’m very taken.”

  Clarissa stares at me, thoughtfully. Trying to figure me out? I don’t know, but I twitch awkwardly with her stare. “Well you can always make a new friend, right?” She asks and her eyes light up.

  “With him?” I point and stutter out, “I don’t think so.”

  “Oh… I think so. I think you two could make very very…” She stops and gives me a sly smile, “very good friends.”

  “You know him?” I ask, ignoring her not-so-subtle hint.

  “Hell yeah! That’s Colton. He’s one of my closest friends,” she answers with a big grin spreading across her face. They really must be close.

  “Oh God,” I mutter, and cover my face so as to hide my blush. She’s so going to tell him how I was just standing here ogling him for who the hell knows how long. Was it seconds? Minutes? God, it could have been hours and I wouldn’t know the difference.

  Clarissa is giggling beside me, “Relax, I’m good with secrets. I won’t say a word. But really, I want you to meet him. I actually think you guys would get along great. And hey, you’re new here. You want more friends right?”

  I look at him again, and he’s still talking with a group of guys. I finally allow myself to look at who he’s talking too, and I notice he’s laughing with Oliver, Jake, and Chris. As quickly as I notice whom he is laughing with my eyes dart over to him and watch as his shoulders shake slightly up and down with the force of his bellowing chuckles. The scene makes me want to laugh, and I don’t even know what is so humorous.

  “So you all are close then?” I ask, but really it’s more of a statement. It’s easy to tell that they are all great friends by the way they interact with one another. Colton shoves Jake a little and then pushes a beer into his hand—egging him on to chug it.

  Colton. Damn. Even his name is hot.

  “Come on,” Clarissa reaches for my hand and drags me over to the group.

  When we reach them, Oliver smiles at me and gives another wink. When he does, Colton turns to look at whom Oliver is winking. Am I completely out of my mind or is he staring at me now? Is he holding his breath like I am? Is he frozen in place as his eyes stare into mine? It could just be me imagining this I suppose. He’s the first to break our stare. He walks over to Clarissa and wraps his arms around her giving her a tight hug and releases her. Now that he’s this close I can see the color of his eyes. Hazel. Blues, greens and browns swirl around his iris.

  “Hey Colton!” She swipes her red hair out of her face and then gestures to me, “I want you to meet my new friend, Lilly.”

  I realize I’m still staring when Clarissa gives me a small pinch. Inwardly shaking myself, I smile, “Nice to meet you.”

  Colton steps forward with a small smile teasing his lips, “I assume you’re a freshman?”

  I laugh, “What gives me away?”

  “Oh ya know, the nervous twitching.” Now his smile widens.

  “Stop teasing her!” Clarissa gently pushes him; “She didn’t even know she was going to be at this party until about 10 minutes ago.”

  He looks me up and down with dilated eyes. “Well she looks like she knew exactly where she was going.” He looks back into my eyes.

  “I was at a different party,” I say quietly, unable to make my voice any louder. My nerves are shot.

  “The only other party I know about is that fucking ridiculous frat with those douchebags… Please tell me it wasn’t that one,” He questions.

  I shift to my right and then my left leg nervously and bite my bottom lip. Did his eyes just focus in on my lips? I run my teeth over the skin and then let go, “That would be the very party I was at.”

  “Well no wonder you left. Those parties fucking suck,” he announces, and then puts an arm around my shoulder. Ahhhh shit. Breathe, Lilly! Breathe! I take in a deep breath… Oh god, bad idea. He smells delicious. Yeah delicious, like I wish I could have him for dinner. Did I really just think that? He’s not steak. Stop thinking about food Lilly… He doesn’t even smell like food. He smells like a mixture of sweat and soap. I’ve never understood why some girls love the smell of a man’s sweat—but at this moment I get it. Damn, do I get it. I want to lick his sweat. Seriously Lilly? Stop it. That’s just nasty.

  He walks me over to the table with all of the alcohol.

  “What’s your poison?” he asks and lets his arm drop from my shoulders as he looks through the different bottles of booze.

  “I’ll just have a beer,” I mutter and turn around looking for Clarissa. She’s watching me. Her eyes meet mine, and she raises one eye brow and gives a side grin. Then she walks over to us.

  “Why don’t we do a shot?” she says to me but looks at Colton.

  “Hell yeah
,” Colton says and grabs a handful of small paper dixie cups. “What should we do? Tequila?” he asks with a slight smell of alcohol lingering on his breath.

  Tequila? I’ve never had tequila in my entire life. In fact I’ve only ever had drinks like smirnoff and wine coolers. Shit this could be a really long night.

  “Uhm, I guess,” I say rubbing my chest. It’s a nervous habit of mine. Whenever I’m freaking out, nervous, scared—I rub my neck/throat area. It usually ends up bright red from doing it. But right now I can’t stop myself from rubbing. I’ve only been drunk that one time, at Lauren’s, and it wasn’t off of strong liquor. I have no idea how much of this I can handle.

  “Are you okay?” Clarissa whispers in my ear, “you’re looking a little hot or something.”

  I lean back and whisper, “I’ve never had tequila.”

  “Well do you want something else then?” she asks.

  I shake my head, “I mean I’ve never drank hard liquor before. Ever.”

  Her eyes widen and a sneaky smile forms on her lips. She leans into Colton and whispers something to him. If she’s telling him what I think she’s telling him… I am going to kill her.

  I watch it all unfold. She keeps whispering and Colton’s eyes widen (much like hers did), and then his eyes move to mine and meet my stare. A cocky smile spreads across his face. Oh that’s a dangerous look. This guy could make me do anything—I’m sure of it. He chuckles and then starts opening the tequila bottle.

  “Clarissa, grab some limes from the fridge, will ya?” he asks.

  She walks over and grabs a couple limes, a knife and some salt. Now I’m not naïve. I know what these things are used for. Snake bites. I’ve watched plenty of movies in my time. Hell, I even know how to do it. But still it doesn’t help my nerves at all. The group of us form a circle around the shots. Colton pours each of us a shot and Clarissa passes out the limes.