Becoming More Read online

“I can pick you up,” he offers.

  Does he think this is a date? I can’t let him think that, we’re just friends. “No, I’ll drive. I might have to leave early. I have class Monday morning,” I explain and smile.

  When I returned from Colton’s Lauren came home and apologized for acting the way she had when I told her about Sander. Last night, she explained that she couldn’t believe he would hurt me. I couldn’t believe it either, so of course, I forgave her.

  We have argued enough in the past that I know it isn’t worth holding a grudge; we always end up missing each other enough that we toss the anger aside, kiss, and make up. It’s how our friendship works. Sure, my feelings are still hurt, but I miss having my best friend. Instead of keeping her out of my life, I decide that I need to intertwine my two groups of friends. I’m finally going to introduce Lauren to Clarissa, Colton and the gang.

  I text everyone to let them know Lauren is going with me to the bar. I know Clarissa isn’t a big fan of how Lauren reacted to the news of Sander, but I want her to give Lauren a shot. I figure if I warn her that Lauren is coming with me—she can put on a smile and at least pretend to like her. I know Clarissa won’t be outright mean or rude to Lauren. But if Lauren feels like they are treating her differently than anyone else, she will go into attack mode and most likely say something horrible to any or all of them. Lauren doesn’t have a filter.

  Lauren doesn’t know she is coming out with me tonight yet. But if she argues, I am prepared to lay on the guilt of her ditching me on our first Thirsty Thursday.

  “Lauren, I want you to meet some of my friends,” I say simply as I begin rummaging through my clothes.

  “Are these the friends you’ve been spending most of your time with?” Lauren asks with a touch of resentment.

  I toss another shirt I don’t want to wear onto the ground and glance up from the growing mountain of clothes piling up on the floor. I attempt to decipher the look on her face but decide to just answer her.

  “Yep. Colton and his band usually play there, but they have the night off. I want you to come with me.” I find a short red dress. Perfect.

  Lauren seems to be weighing her options. She’s probably trying to decide if going to a bar is something she would actually enjoy doing tonight.

  “Will there be alcohol?” she asks.

  I glare at her, “Seriously Lauren? I want you to go so my best friend can meet my other best friend. Plus, it’s Sunday. You can’t possibly want to drink too much anyway.”

  She glares back at me, “And your other best friend is a guy?” She rolls her eyes and laughs sarcastically, “Yeah, okay. Does Sander know about this Colton? And no judging! I can drink seven days a week if I want to.”

  I look away from her. This is one of those subjects I try to ignore. Whenever I think about keeping Colton away from Sander, I feel guilty. Why should I hide my friendship with Colton? But then I remember how Sander has been doing drugs, and he kept that from me. So maybe this makes us even. I realize trying to get back at someone for lying isn’t exactly the most grown up thing in the world to do. But damn, it sure feels good. Though, lying isn’t my strong suit. But, I can’t help but wonder, is it really lying if I just don’t bring something or someone up? I want the answer to be no. It’s perfectly fine. I’m not even sure if Sander and I are still together after what happened Thursday.

  The bruises are finally starting to yellow and disappear. I haven’t allowed myself to feel too guilty for texting and spending time with Colton, but when it’s brought up from someone else the guilt is there.

  “That’s what I thought,” Lauren says smugly, “A girl and a guy can’t just be friends. Well, unless either one of you is gay.” She pauses and looks at me, “Wait, is Colton gay?”

  “Oh is that so? Well you’re friends with Sander! And no, Colton’s not gay!” I strip out of my jeans and t-shirt and unzip my red dress.

  Lauren walks over to her closet and grabs a gray dress. “That’s different,”she states simply.

  “How?” I wonder as I shimmy into my ensemble and walk over to Lauren so she can zip it up for me.

  “Sander is dating my best friend. I have to be his friend.”

  I guess that makes sense. But Sander and Lauren have always been closer than just friends. They are best friends. They have more in common than Lauren and I do. They make each other laugh, and sometimes they argue like they are brother and sister. If they can be that close, why can’t I have this friendship with Colton without her making assumptions? She hasn’t even met Colton yet. For all she knows he could be the ugliest man on Earth. I nearly laugh. The idea of Colton being anywhere near the word ugly is absolutely absurd.

  “Well I can be friends with Colton because he’s best friends with Clarissa,” I say simply adhering to her way of thinking.

  “Oh, so he’s fucking this Clarissa person?” she asks.

  My eyes widen and I choke, “Excuse me? Of course not! They’re just friends!” I sputter.

  “Yeah… I bet,” she says and slides on her dress. Jesus, it barely covers her ass. I will not complain, I remind myself. At least she’s going with me.

  “Whatever,” I mutter. I check my make-up, add some red lipstick, and step into a pair of black heels.

  We arrive at the bar about half of an hour later. Lauren has stopped bitching. I think it’s because I promised alcohol would be provided and to not worry about the “x” that would be stamped onto her hand.

  I don’t remember Lauren being this difficult. She used to be up for anything. Lately, she only seems to be interested in doing her own thing. Which is fine, I guess. However, is meeting my friends really that hard to do? Is it asking too much of her?

  She’s putting me in a mood I don’t want to be in. We just started getting along again and already I’m letting myself get agitated with every little thing she says and does. At least she came, that’s something.

  I spot the group in front by the stage. They’ve pushed three different tables together, and on the center of each table is a pitcher of beer and trays of jello shots- because that’s exactly what we need on a Sunday. I point over to where we are heading so Lauren knows to follow me. Surprisingly, she’s actually right behind me. Usually she would be busy looking in every direction, checking out guys or flirting with someone. Not now. Her eyes are straight ahead, and they’re narrowed.

  “Is that-” she starts to say. She’s whispering, and I’m not sure whether or not she’s actually speaking to me or just talking to herself. She sure doesn’t seem happy about whatever she sees.

  As we get to the table I give Clarissa a tight hug and glance over her shoulder at Colton, who is facing the other way talking to someone on the stage and helping them set up for a local band that’s playing tonight. I turn to find Lauren so I can introduce her, but she’s staring at the back of Colton’s head. She seems perplexed.

  “Lauren?” I question, “You okay?”

  She turns to me, her eyebrows drawn together. “Yeah, just thought I saw somebody.”

  I dismiss the glare she was aiming at the back of Colton’s head. Maybe she recognized him from his band. It’s possible.

  “Lauren this is Clarissa,” I say.

  Clarissa gives an award-winning smile. I can tell it isn’t real, but anyone new would believe she’s genuinely happy to meet Lauren. Lauren gives a sarcastic smirk.

  “Nice to meet you,” Clarissa says. “I’ve heard so much about you.” Yeah, a lot of not-so-good things. Oops.

  “Funny, I haven’t heard that much about you,” Lauren says with the fake smile still stretched tightly across her teeth. I want to reach up and smack her upside the head, but instead I cut in.

  “That’s because you’ve been busy,” I say with overstated kindness.

  I bump into Lauren’s side as a warning. She glances over at me and then lets out an audible sigh. “Whatever,” she says under her breath.

  I should have just left her at home. She’s not being the fun Lauren that likes
to make new friends; she’s being the bitchy Lauren that probably needs a few drinks in her system to chill the F out.

  I pour her a beer and hand it to her. After she takes a few gulps and at least has a small smile on her face, I turn her towards the rest of the guys and am surprised to see Becca with them. I haven’t seen Becca since I met the group for the very first around two weeks ago.

  I start with Becca and introduce everyone to Lauren. I’m surprised Lauren doesn’t try to flirt with any of the guys. They’re all hot, and usually she’d make sure their attention didn’t waver from her. Tonight she doesn’t. She smiles at them and laughs when one of them tells a joke, but the flirty Lauren is nowhere to be found. Weird.

  My eyes keep roaming over to Colton. I’m constantly watching as he bends and lifts a speaker and places it across the stage or when he’s hooking up the cords like a pro. He’s completely in the zone as he puts everything in its rightful place. Finally, he seems to be finished. He stands and rubs his hands together, getting rid of the dust and wiping his hands across his jeans. He turns toward me, and our eyes meet and a smile spreads across his face.

  Ignoring everyone else around us, he wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his chest.

  “How did you hide the bruises on your neck?” he whispers into my ear. I tremble as his hot breath brushes against my skin.

  “Lots of make-up. They are turning yellow,” I say.

  He squeezes me tighter and then lets go and moves away. I immediately miss his nearness. “Well it worked, I can’t see them.”

  I smile softly. I’m about to ask him to meet Lauren when Lauren’s voice comes from behind me.

  “Colton,” she says, his name coming out harsh on her lips.

  “Lauren,” Colton says equally cold.

  Uhm okay… “Lauren this is Colton-”

  “Davenport,” she finishes before I can conclude the introduction.

  I look back and forth between them. Okay so they know each other somehow. Maybe they met on campus? Surely Lauren would have said something about a tattooed, sexy man like Colton. Oh god… What if they slept together! Clarissa did say that Colton was with a lot of women, and I know Lauren isn’t against a one-night stand. I feel sick. That has to be how they know one another. My face pales, my tongue completely dries, I feel like I’m choking on it. The ground has come out from underneath my feet, and at any moment I’m going to fall on my ass because my knees are going to give out.

  I step back, taking a heavy breath, and turn to Lauren because I can’t even look at Colton right now. No, not with the image of his naked body pressing against Lauren’s.

  “How do you know Colton?” I ask. Here it comes; the answer that will change everything. Nothing will be the same after this. If Lauren and Colton slept together I will forever have that image in my head. It will completely solidify my future with Sander, which surprisingly makes me ache, knowing that even the slightest chance of being with Colton would no longer exist. Knowing I shouldn’t even be considering it doesn’t matter right now. I’ll examine my feelings later—right now all I know is that if I don’t get an answer…

  “My mom fucked his dad,” Lauren says, shocking me.

  “Wait, what?”

  “Your mom is a whore. She ruined our family!” Colton yells.

  I turn to Colton. His face is scarlet and his eyes have pure revulsion burning towards Lauren. Lauren seems just as mad. I’m completely lost.

  “Uhm, what?” I say stupidly.

  “His dad ruined the relationship between my mom and step dad,” she spits.

  Holy shit on a stick! Now I understand the anger spilling from Lauren. Her step dad was the closest thing to a father she ever had. But Lauren’s mom, Steph, slept with his best friend, Gary, and they got a divorce. I never knew the whole story, but that much I did know. That must mean that Gary is Colton’s dad.

  Finally I turn to Colton, eyes wide, “You’re Gary’s son?” I ask, though I already know the answer.

  “Yes,” he bites out. “And Steph was my mother’s best friend, and she stabbed her in the back. Steph stabbed our entire family in the back. She ruined our family, our friendships.”

  “Oh please!” Lauren yells at Colton. “Your mother obviously wasn’t keeping your dad happy, so then he started making the moves on my mom! He ruined our family!”

  “Are you kidding me right now? Are you this fucking stupid, Lauren? Steph and my mom were best friends. Best friends. That didn’t stop your mom from spreading her legs, did it?”

  My mouth completely drops. Lauren never mentioned Colton, ever. She never said anything about the other family. I just thought Gary was her step dad’s best friend. That was bad enough, but to know that is even worse! Steph slept with her best friend’s husband! She slept with her husband’s best friend, and she slept with Colton’s father. I feel an overwhelming amount of sympathy for both Lauren and Colton, but mostly for Colton. Colton sees that his mom was not only betrayed by his father but also by her closest friend. No wonder he doesn’t lower his guard for anyone. He’s witnessed what can happen when someone trusts another person completely.

  And Lauren… Lauren wants it to be someone else’s fault. She wants to believe her mother wouldn’t have ruined the relationship with the only father Lauren has ever known.

  Both of them have selfish parents. Lauren’s mom and Colton’s father are to blame. They both made their choices, and they were the wrong choices to make—a choice that tore up two families. Now the kids can’t even get along. Instead they are enemies over something their parents chose to do.

  I wonder if they ever got along? Were they also close friends because their parents were? I bet they were. They had to be around each other constantly if their parents were always together, right? I wonder if they ever liked each other? I bet Lauren crushed on Colton—I mean look at him. There’s no way she didn’t.

  Yet right now there is so much bitterness, anger, and hatred in their faces that I don’t know if they could ever get along. Maybe it’s possible if I can get them to remember the good times they had together. Maybe. I don’t know what I’ll do if two of my closest friends can’t even stand being around each other. If Colton hates Lauren, then the band will hate Lauren and so will Clarissa. Becca probably won’t care either way.

  “Colton…” I say.

  “This is your Lauren? This is your best friend?” he says ‘best friend’ like it’s a dirty word.

  My head snaps back like he hit me. He’s mad at me? I can’t help what happened with Steph and Gary. I hadn’t even met Lauren yet when all of that went down.

  “Yeah, asshole! I’m her best friend!” Lauren steps up and into his face. The typical Lauren move right before she’s about to lose her cool.

  I look back and forth between the two, my face pale, my body slightly trembling. It was stupid of me to think that Colton and I could make this friendship work. Not only does he have walls that a bomb couldn’t blow through, he now has a problem with me because of a grudge he holds against my oldest friend.

  Clarissa comes up to us, her face grim. She gives me a pained smile and shrugs her shoulders. She doesn’t know what to do about this either. She’s just as shocked about everything as I am.

  “Colton, maybe we should go?” Clarissa asks him and touches his shoulder.

  He stares at Lauren and then glances over at me. “I don’t know if you are just naïve and can’t see the type of person Lauren is, or if you’re just like her and screw people’s lives over,” he says heatedly.

  My hand goes to my heart and tears spring to my eyes. Feelings hurt, anger burning through my veins, I look at him and let the words spill from my mouth. “How dare you! You’re the one holding on to a grudge over something that happened a decade ago! Do you get that?! A decade! Get over it! Lauren has been there for me since the day I met her!”

  Colton lets out a bitter laugh. “Jesus, you are naïve, aren’t you? You are so blind to the bullshit happening around you. Where was La
uren when you really needed her at Sander’s dorm, Lilly?! What happened when you told her what he did?” He shakes his head and gestures toward her. “She left. She’s just like her mother. She wouldn’t know how to be a real friend if her fucking life depended on it.”

  Instead of answering him I look over at Clarissa. “You told him. That was between you and me. I needed a girl to talk to!”

  “You told Clarissa I ditched you?” Lauren says beside me.

  Oh just great. Just great. Now Colton’s mad at me. I’m mad at Colton. I feel betrayed by Clarissa, and Lauren feels betrayed by me.

  “No. I’ll leave,” I say quietly. The tears that were once filling my eyes have disappeared. I don’t even feel the anger anymore. Right now I’m numb. Shocked. Stunned. I didn’t expect this night to go so wrong. I’m alone. “Lauren if you want me to drive you home then come on; if not, whatever.”

  “Well I’m sure as shit not staying here,” she says, looking at Colton.

  I don’t even look at him. I don’t want to see the way he’s watching me. I don’t want to see the person that sees me as some naïve, stupid child.

  “Lilly…” Clarissa says.

  “No. I know we need to talk, but right now-” I pause and turn on my heel, “just not right now.”

  “Okay.” I hear her say but I’m already walking away and out the door. Once I’m outside I can hear Lauren’s shoes slapping against the paved street.

  “I can’t believe you talked shit behind my back,” Lauren says behind me.

  I roll my eyes, exhausted with this night. “It wasn’t talking shit. It was the truth. You did just walk away from me when I was trying to talk to you. It’s not my fault you reacted that way,” I explain.

  “I already apologized for that.”

  “I know, and I’m over it, but I talked to Clarissa about it before you apologized.”

  “Still. And seriously, Colton Davenport?” I open my car door and slam it shut once I’m inside.

  “Well I don’t think we’re friends anymore now anyway,” I say quietly and start driving back to our dorm